The entire party made their way back to the hospital and Joe’s wing after stopping at a local drug store for a pregnancy test. Anna for her part was quiet. She observed as everyone else made plans to keep her pregnant. First, Margaret had determined she would take a test. Then Margaret would take Anna to her own personal obstetrician in the morning. “I am going to make sure this baby receives the care my grandchild would until Joe can breath on his own.” Margret proclaimed.
Anna hung back watching everyone and then, suddenly, everyone stopped and their voices became hushed as they entered the hall to Joe’s room. “It’s her,” Margie whispered to her mother. “I can see that,” Margaret gave Margie a look that said to hush. “To think we were a half hour later than they asked too.” Margaret added. Kevin ducked his head and moved to the front of everyone. As he went through the crowd he said, “I’ll go play peacemaker.” Then he nodded to Margaret in a show of respect before heading over to Sue, her husband, her son, and Joe’s parents. Anna continued behind the group as they cautiously moved forward behind Kevin, who was now almost ten paces ahead.
“What do we do?” Edward asked his mother concerned.
“We have just as much right to be here as she does,” his mother replied. “Besides, it’s not us she hates.” Edward looked back with pity at Anna who was trying in vain to remain partially concealed as they moved forward towards his family. The entire lot, Margaret, Margie, Edward, Ralphie, and lastly Anna walked down the hallway as slowly as possible. This served a dual purpose. First, it gave his family time to say their goodbyes in peace without anyone intruding. Second, and most importantly, it gave everyone time to eaves drop and see what was being said. Although, it was already assumed that Kevin would report back anything, his reporting skills lacked a certain attention to details.
“Oh God,” Anna heard Sue sigh in disgust.
She watched as Mary sneered in her direction. The pit of her stomach dropped and Anna hesitated to move forward. Margie noticed that she wasn’t staying in step with everyone. She came up beside Anna and grabbed her upper right arm, “It’s not like you to be afraid.” Margie whispered as she propelled Anna forward by pushing her arm.
“I’m not afraid,” Anna replied but kept her eyes fixated on Sue who was now flipping her hair and facing the crowd coming down the hallway towards her brother’s room.
“Then walk with me,” Margret pushed. She swung the drugstore bag in her hands and held it up for Anna to see. “Then we can use these. I got two just in case.” Margie smiled with delight, but this only made Anna audibly groan.
Another dead baby, Anna thought to herself. She honestly couldn’t stomach the thought of another miscarriage. Of course, the idea of having Joe’s child wasn’t much better because she was quite certain if she was successful in carrying the child to term, she would be a single mother. He’s too much of a basket case, she thought to herself. It’s not that Anna didn’t want Joe to be in her life, she just didn’t have much faith he could handle being a father, a grown adult male, and her partner. In fact, she wasn’t sure if he would ever master becoming a full adult male. Her stomach lurched forward and she covered her mouth as if she might vomit.
Margie looked concerned, “Are you alright? Nerves?”
“No,” Anna managed. “Too much food.” She gave Margie a bit of the stink eye, but it wasn’t meant to be mean spirited.
Margie laughed, “Oh. Well, I may have been a bit enthusiastic in making sure you ate well since you hadn’t eaten in days.”
Anna just shook her head. All the while, they slowly walked towards Joe’s family that were not taking their cue to politely exit to avoid any unnecessary uncivil exchanges. Margaret noticed this as well about the same time that Anna did. “It seems they do not want to have a peaceful buffer,” she said. Then Margaret matronly strove ahead.
She was the first to his family and greeted them. “Mary.” Margaret smiled.
“I see you brought her with,” was all Mary said in return. Then she glared at Anna, who instantly froze.
Margie continued to push Anna forward and encouraged her, “once we’re in the room, we can go into the bathroom and find out for sure.” Anna stopped behind Margaret.
“You know,” Margaret said in return, “this girl has sat up her for days without food or drink that we know of, just to be near your son.” Margaret gave her a defiant look, “Most mother’s in your position would have more gratitude in their heart for the woman that saved their child’s life.”
Anna was quite shocked to hear this. She had no time to react because Margie ushered her past the two older women and Sue into Joe’s room and quickly into his bathroom. She slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. Then Margie leaned with her back against the door and with deep and ragged breaths said, “Oh thank heaven’s. We made it before sister psycho could lunge at you or something.” Margie was obviously very worried herself even though she hid her concern well.
“What about your mother?” Anna was very worried.
“Edward and Ralphie are with mother. Besides, I’m quite certain mother could hold her own.” Margie started to root around in the plastic shopping bag for the two boxes.
Anna was shocked at Margie’s confidence that her mother could take on a small team of psycho women, even if one was elderly. “Are you sure?” Anna asked.
“Do you seriously think that Edward would let anyone touch mother?” Margie looked at Anna squarely with her hands on her hips. “No, you are the one we need to worry about.” Then she pulled a box out of the plastic bag, “ah, there it is. Here!” She thrusted the box in Anna’s face. “Come on, I am dying to know.”
Anna peed on the little cotton stick, capped it and put it on the counter of the bathroom sink. She turned away from it.
Margie was positively giddy with excitement, “So do you want a boy or a girl?”
Anna just hung her head, “Alive works, I guess.” She looked at her feet and really didn’t want to see the results.
Margie suddenly noticed she was the only one in the room that was looking forward to the news, “Aren’t you excited?”
“No,” Anna barely managed to admit.
“But why not? You are going to have a baby.” Then Margie back tracked, “Look Anna, look.” She pulled Anna by the hand and made her face the test. “You are going to have this baby, see it’s positive.”
Anna stared hard at the two little pink lines. Tears started to slip out of her eyes. “And when this one dies too?” She started to let all of her fears come to the surface. “When I can’t work full time, and take care of a child alone?” Then she really started bawling, “When I’m a single mom and I have to explain to my son or daughter, I’m sorry your daddy died?” Anna fell back into the wall and slid down into a heap, “I can’t do this.”
“Mother will make sure you have top notch medical care so this baby will not die.” Margie reassured her, “and he’s not going to leave you.”
“Sure,” Anna said. “Vegetables can’t walk away.” It was dark humor. Kevin would have gotten it, but Margie did not.
“Stop it Anna,” Margie scolded. “You saw him move you said. It’s only been a few days. He will recover.”
“Great, so he recovers and goes right back to screwing his sister, what then?” She looked up at Margie. “Don’t you understand this is not a great situation to bring a child into?”
“Well then, we’ll…” Margie’s face turned sympathetic and then she paused. “Never is a good time to bring a child into the world. Yet, here we are, one generation after another. Mother found a way with Edward and I. You found a way in spite of not having decent parents. This one will too.” She set her jaw and stared hard at Anna. It was the hard truth. No one is ever perfectly ready to be a parent.
Anna sighed, “Well at least if everything goes to shit I can still give the baby up for adoption.” Then she rolled her eyes, “my get out of jail plan.”
“Anna I wish you would look at this for the beautiful opportunity it is,” Margie said. “Your own little person to hold and love on. Isn’t that what you always wanted since forever?” She looked down at Anna a bit upset.
“Yes, I have.” Anna admitted to herself, “I have wanted a child ever since I was little. I always expected it to be perfect when I had a baby though. You know, at least engaged with someone I love, not fighting with the man that got me pregnant.” She let out a long sigh.
“You’re not fighting anymore,” Margie observed. She was the one making jokes now.
“It doesn’t count if they are unconscious,” Anna looked up at Margie but smiled. Anna got up from the floor. She looked again at the two pink lines. What would those two little pink lines mean as she moved forward, she did not know. “What now?”
“Now we tell him.” Margie smiled confidently.
“No,” Anna said. She put her hand on her hips and stood directly in front of Margie.
“Why not?” Margie seemed genuinely upset at Anna.
“I’m still very likely to miscarriage. He’s in such a fragile state mentally, it could send him over the edge. No.” Anna was resolute, but Margie paid no head what so ever to Anna’s protests.
Margie scooped up the test and ran out of the bathroom door with it. Anna tried to grab it, but was greeted with a big heavy wooden hospital door. She grabbed it and pushed it out of the way as Margie called back sorry. Margie was already over to Joe’s bed and had the test up in his face. Anna just stood there and watched as Margie woke Joe up a bit. She whispered because Sue and the rest of his family were still just outside the door.
“Look,” Margie said in Joe’s ear. She held the pregnancy test up so Joe could view it and even turned a lamp on so he could see better. “You’re going to be a father.” It didn’t look like he was awake. “You and Anna are going to have a child.” Margie repeated it over and over until Joe strained his neck to see.
Anna watched as he looked at the test and then back to her. Margie was telling him that Anna was pregnant. “I told you not to tell him,” Anna groused. Then she sat down at the foot on Joe’s bed in her usual chair. Then she laid on top of his legs.
“Why not?” Margie asked, this time looking at Anna and then Joe.
“Because if I am going to be pregnant, I will be for at least a few more months. He would have figured it out eventually.” She turned towards Joe and tried to see if he was still awake. She couldn’t tell, but continued anyway. “Besides he needs to worry about getting better, not how he will support a child.”
“Maybe this will help him be motivated enough to get better quickly.” Margie smiled at Anna.
Anna scoffed but said nothing. “Look, all I’m saying is that he doesn’t need to worry about this right now. What happens when I miscarry again? Now, instead of just me being heart broken, he will be too. What if he tries to commit suicide because I lost this baby? What then? I couldn’t live with myself.” She buried her face in his legs.
When she looked up, Margie looked at Anna horrified.
“What?” Was all that Anna could say.
Margie looked over at Joe who was looking down at Anna and then to Anna. “Um,” she stammered. “I’m going to see what’s going on. Edward and mother should have been in by now.”
Anna laid her head down on Joe’s legs and pet his thigh. “I don’t want you to hurt. I didn’t want to tell you because I usually miscarry by now. I have a doctor working with me to keep this baby alive, but there’s no guarantees. I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high because I have lost every single one before this, okay?”
He nodded his head.
“Ok,” Anna let out a sigh of relief. “You understand me.” Then she rested her head on his legs and started to drift off to a semi-sleep state because of her heavy and full belly.
Anna never got a chance to sleep though. Just as she started to relax she heard yelling out in the hall. Surely Margie wasn’t stupid enough to say anything about the pregnancy with Sue right there, Anna thought. Given how giddy Margie was about the baby, Anna was quite certain, that is exactly what happened. The shouting continued, but it seemed a bit muffled. She sat up and looked at Joe who was still silently watching her. “I’m going to see what’s going on ok?” He made a small nod and Anna got up to walk over to the door.
She made about four steps and there was Sue confronting her at the doorway. “You whore!” Sue shouted. Anna stood a bit perplexed and looked at Margaret and Margie for some sort of context. Margaret looked very unhappy and Margie looked very sheepish. She did open her mouth, Anna thought to herself. Oh well.
“You bitch, you assaulted him just so you can have him all to yourself!” Sue was laying on the allegations heavy and shoving her finger in Anna’s face. Anna watched her hands very closely.
“It’s not nice to blame other’s for what you do,” Anna replied. She wasn’t even joking. Anna thought this was a serious projection by Sue.
Sue was distraught, and beside her was a cart. It looked to be a phlebotomy cart. She grabbed up a needle and pushed it at Anna. Anna gave a couple feet’s distance to the deranged woman. “I’ll fucking stab you,” Sue threatened.
Anna giggled a little, “with that?”
Sue started jabbing the air and Anna dodged a little. The needles was fresh, so it wasn’t a biological hazard. She didn’t fear the needle Sue was waving around as if it were a dangerous weapon, but if by chance it got her eye or something delicate it could be a concern. Anna dodged the needle easily and without much effort. She was humored by how unhinged Sue was becoming. So this is what it’s like in a fight with a crazy person Anna thought to herself. Then she noted Sue’s choice of weapon was comically pathetic.
“Security is on the way,” a nurse told Margaret while looking horrified at Sue. “Miss you need to put that down.”
“This bitch assaulted my brother so she could keep him!” Sue explained. Although that wasn’t true, to Sue, in that moment, it was. “She schemed to be pregnant to steal him from me.” Sue screamed and lunged once more at Anna who deftly dodged the needle and giggled slightly. This was more of a game of easy dodge ball for Anna than a serious moment.
Another nurse came to stand beside the second nurse, “I heard the screaming.” Then she looked up at Sue, “Oh my!” She said and gasped.
“Yes,” the first nurse confirmed. “I have already called security.” This nurse turned to Anna, “Can you just go sit in there with him honey?”
Anna nodded and smiled. As she headed back into the room, she heard Sue wail and scream even louder at the injustice of Anna being allowed to be near her brother. She closed the door behind her. Joe was in there looking awfully concerned and agitated. “Your sister is having a mental melt down because I am breathing,” was all Anna explained. This seemed a sufficient response because he seemed to relax.
“Security is on the way,” Anna said as she sat down. “They might give her some good drugs to calm her down.” She giggled a little. Anna looked up at Joe whose gaze was fixated on the door, but she could tell he was getting sleepy. “Hey,” she grabbed his hand. “I won’t let anything happen to you ok?” He closed his eyes as the wails outside seemed to die down a bit. He grabbed her hand tightly and squeezed. Anna wasn’t sure if he was worried for himself or Anna, but whatever worried him dissipated as the wails did.
Soon Margaret and Margie entered the room. Anna looked for the guys, but they were no where to be seen. “Where is Edward, Kevin, and Ralphie?” Anna asked.
Margaret looking exceptionally annoyed answered first, “They are helping security as is Sue’s husband.”
“Oh,” Anna stated. “What started that complete outburst?” Anna looked at Margaret and Margie.
Margie blushed and Margaret looked at Margie. “Someone was just too overcome with joy to contain herself,” Margaret deadpanned. It was the scowl on Margaret’s face which was almost never directed at Margie, which shocked Anna more than the fact that Margie said something.
“You told even with her there?” Anna asked Margie. “What were you thinking?”
Margie shrugged and gave a sheepish smile, “you’re having a baby…” She smiled and looked so innocent. Anna couldn’t be angry at Margie. Afterall, she was Anna’s biggest cheerleader at all times.
“So I am guessing Sue did not take the news that she would be an aunt soon very well,” Anna said. She looked up at Joe to see if he was awake or not. His eyes were still closed.
Both mother and daughter shook their head no.
“What about his parents? Was his mother at least happy she would be a grandmother soon?” Anna had hoped that Mary would at least see this opportunity to have at least one normal grand-child as a good thing.
Margaret shook her head no and her gaze softened. “Unfortunately no,” she said softly. “She’ll come around,” Margaret offered. Anna wasn’t so sure about that herself.
Anna sighed. Margaret and Margie sat down beside her. “So what do you plan to do?” Margaret asked Anna.
“Well, have a baby, I guess. If I am single by the time it’s born, give it up for adoption. If not, keep it.” Anna was looking at her hands now and thinking about everything.
“Why does that matter?” Margaret inquired. “Why does being single or not make a difference as to whether you will keep the child?” She looked concerned and sought out an explanation in Margie’s face. Margie just shook her head. Margaret continued, “I thought you always wanted a baby though Anna?”
“Oh, I do,” Anna said to Margaret. “I really do,” she said softer.
“Then why give the child up if you are single?” Margaret looked very perplexed and concerned now.
“I can’t care for a child all on my own.” Anna sighed even louder. “I barely can care for myself. How many times have you had to save me?”
“Everyone needs help sometimes Anna,” Margaret tried to soothe the concern she saw emanating form Anna.
“Right. If I need help and I have no one to turn to, how am I supposed to care for another human being?” Anna explained. “I work 12 hour days sometimes. How will I ever have time for another human being?” She paused and reflected, “If I had someone else that could share the burden of life, bills, child care, you know, it wouldn’t be so bad.” Then she paused again. “I don’t expect to find that help though.”
Anna was certain Edward would not help automatically. At this point, Anna wouldn’t even ask. She would rather drown in her own stupid decisions than ask for help from him or even his mother. Not because she didn’t think he or his mother would help. Quite the opposite. She was certain he would help, but the ribbing and the humility of asking were just too much to bare now. Especially, since it was clear there was no way they would ever be together again. Even if she miscarried and Joe disappeared, Edward had been moving on for half a year. Before that, even when they were together, he was busy chasing other women more than he spent time with Anna. Anna was heartbroken.
Plus everyone had concocted this love story between Anna and Joe. It wasn’t even like most people thought. It was clear Sue believed Anna was out to “get her man” even though that was quite not okay and that was not Anna’s intentions. Margie and even Margaret to some degree seemed to push Anna towards Joe in an effort to make Anna move on from Edward. Although Anna loved Joe enough to not want to see him die, she didn’t love him romantically. She just wanted him to be happy. She didn’t think of him in a sexual way at all. Although he was a very handsome man, with lovely curls and blue eyes, she wasn’t aroused by his presence. Even when they had sex, it was more his attempt to show his feelings that intrigued Anna than the sex itself. She had stated multiple times that it was a friendship, that the one time they had sex was awkward at best, and that their communication was almost non-existent. She felt pushed on Joe.
She understood everyone else’s perspective though. She was the only woman he seemed to accept. She was probably the only chance he had at having a normal life. He was an excellent distraction from Edward, which no doubt pleased Edward’s mother since she didn’t exactly think Anna was the right one for her son. Plus, Joe and Anna seemed to get on rather well. This was very odd since no one got along with Anna outside of Margie usually and no female could get close enough to Joe’s heart. To everyone outside of the two of them, it looked like a match made in heaven. Plus Anna wasn’t sure Joe had feelings for her in the romantic sense at all really. Sure, he had sex with her, but what was that? Was it an attempt to say I love you? Was it a desperate plea for someone to save him? She was completely unsure of how Joe felt.
Anna knew what real passionate love was because she had that for Edward. It was like the entire world was gloomy and the sun only shined when he entered the room. She could tell when Edward was in her vicinity even if she couldn’t see or hear him. It’s like he was imprinted on her. The sound of his breathing, the way his heart beat, the smell of his body, the way he walked and gestured, even his life’s energy was familiar to her in ways no other human being had been before. She felt like she was walking on clouds when he paid attention to her. Alternatively, when he was chasing other women, she acted and felt more like Sue. She knew the depths of despair Sue felt from losing Joe, because she felt it when she lost Edward.
Joe was a comfortable place to lie down. He was a safe person to just be with in that moment. He was like your favorite chair, next to a fire place, with your cat and a hot cup of tea. Edward, by contrast, was everything that turned her on with two legs. He was exciting and handsome. His life appeared charmed to everyone outside of it. He had plans for his life and was working towards them. To her Joe was someone she loved, but Edward was someone she was in love with and that distinction was great. Also, she wondered if Joe was in love with Sue or if she was just someone he loved.
She didn’t see Joe as a suitable partner to build a future with though. He had no obvious plans for his life and lacked the desire to do something it seemed. He needed to work on himself, find his own happiness, and build his own dreams while he still had time. Anna didn’t even know what those dreams might be except he wanted to be a father. She sighed and thought to herself that she was being set up to be with Joe. She did consider there were a lot worse people she could be with in life. He wasn’t violent, had no drug problems, appeared to be rather loyal, and as far as she could tell no actual physical or mental defects prior to his suicide attempt. Aside from not working most of his life and having a shit family, he was a decent person. She tumbled these thoughts over in her mind silently while Margie and Margaret chatted.
Just then a security guard entered the room. “Uh, Miss Sutter, we would like to ask if his sister could come in and say goodbye.” Behind the security guard Edward, Ralphie, and Kevin filed in looking very disheveled and exhausted. Anna thought when looking at the men it appears there was a struggle and you gents lost. Then Anna mentally filed that tid bit of information away.
Anna laid on top of Joe’s legs and nodded before answering. “Sure, I have no problem with Sue.” It was a lie. She hated Sue with a passion. Not because Sue was a threat to her relationship with Joe, although that aspect was annoying, but because Sue was a despicable human being. However, in that moment, upon reflecting on how much she had felt anguish in losing Edward, she found some small bit of pity in her heart for the wildebeest.
Sue came in followed by her parents and stood beside Joe’s bed. She held her hands together as if in prayer. “Oh mom,” she said. “He’s sleeping.” Mary came up and patted Sue on the arm. For a moment the two stood there looking like a normal family that was actually concerned for a loved one. Anna watched the moment and was touched by the scene playing out before her.
Mary was the first to notice Anna watching them. She looked down and sneered at Anna laying on Joe’s legs. “Why do you always lord over him like a dragon guarding it’s gold?” She spat out at Anna.
Anna was quite shocked at the question. First, being compared to a dragon struck Anna as funny since she called Margaret the Dragon Lady when she first met her because she was so protective of Edward. Second, she didn’t really see herself as lording over Joe at all. Her back hurt and the only position that was comfortable was laying on his legs. “What,” was all Anna managed to say. She looked at Margaret and Margie who both seemed shocked at this sudden verbal attack on Anna for nothing. Then she looked up at Mary for an explanation. Why? Anna didn’t know why she looked to Mary for an explanation since it was clear the lady was quite tapped, but who else could explain a crazy statement like that except the tapped lady that said it.
“You heard me girl,” Mary replied. “Why do you lay on him like you own him or something? Like a dragon hoarding it’s gold?”
Anna sat up even though her back hurt and cocked an eyebrow at this woman. “I’m not hurting him,” she replied.
Before another thing could come out of her mouth Sue interrupted. “Why do you think he’s in here?” She started in on Anna. “Because you told him that you wouldn’t see him unless he moved out and got a job.”
This caught Anna off guard. How the hell did Sue know what she had said. Even worse it fed into the fear she had the entire time. Also, Sue hated that he wanted to be with Anna, so what? Anna was confused. This little snake had found a way to coil up into her brain.
“Oh no, not this shit again,” Ralphie said. “Look love, as much as I hate Anna, she’s not doing anything to you and she’s not done shit to your precious little brother alright love?” He stood up and said, “so just calm the hell down and spend time with your brother alright.”
Sue huffed and stared at Joe. She looked genuinely sad.
Anna was still trying to figure out how Sue knew what she said in the privacy of her own home.
Although Sue could have spent all night there just spending time with her brother, and Anna would not have prevented it, Sue was not content. “Why do you have say over his care?” She scowled at Anna. “I’m his sister and the mother of both of his children. Why do you have more say than me?” She sighed and answered her own question, “because you might be pregnant? You probably never even had sex with Joe. I know my brother, he thinks kissing is like sex. You probably got knocked up by him.” She pointed at Edward. “You’re always hanging out with him anyway.”
“Whoa,” Edward and Ralphie said at once. Edward looked very upset. Anna was quite hurt because if she was pregnant with Edward’s child she would have been ecstatic. She wouldn’t have to worry about anything materially if that were the case. Adoption wouldn’t even be on the table.
“Young lady,” Margaret interjected. “If my son were the father he would take full responsibility for the child in a second. As it is, we are taking responsibility for her prenatal medical care and your brother’s medical care.” She added, “I hardly think you are in a place to assume the moral high ground.”
“But why does she get say over his care?” Sue asked.
“I don’t know.” Margaret answered. “You should ask the hospital administration that question.”
For a while, all was quiet. Sue talked to Joe and he sort of came too. He looked around and saw Anna at his feet. He seemed agitated, so Anna laid back down on his legs. As Joe looked around this excited Sue. “Mom, look his eyes are open. Oh Bubby, I love you.”
Sue was so happy. Then she saw Anna was back on his legs laying down. “Why are you laying on him?” She started shrieking at Anna. “Get off of him. He’s my brother. You are hurting him. You always hurt him. It’s your fault he’s in here you stupid bitch. He hates you. It’s your fault he wanted to die. He was fine until you showed up.”
Sue’s word stung Anna. She had spent the past few days thinking of only him. Sure, he wasn’t Edward, but she did love him. She never wanted to hurt him. Tears started to well up in her eyes and slip down her cheeks.
Suddenly Joe was jerking violently to get free. He was fighting his tubes to reach out for someone. Sue saw this first, because Anna was crumbling inside at the idea she may have caused Joe to want to die. She was trapped in her own little personal hell and didn’t see him struggle.
“I’m here Bubby,” Sue stepped forward to grab his hand. Joe tried to pull his hand away from Sue, but she just grabbed it more forcefully. She grabbed his hand again and he pulled it loose and then he backhanded her hard with a loud smack. “He hit me,” Sue shrieked and held her cheek after taking a few steps back. She looked shocked.
“It’s the sedation,” Mary comforted Sue and rubbed her back.
This pulled Anna out of the mental hell she was trapped in and she looked at Joe. He was trying to say something and was looking at Anna and reaching out while trying to pull forward. This frightened Anna because she was afraid he would hurt himself. Anna jumped up on his lap and sat on him while coddling his head. “It’s ok.” She told him and he seemed to calm a bit. She didn’t know what was wrong and was afraid he was having a medical issue. From on top of Joe, Anna looked at Margie and insisted urgently, “get the nurse.” She stayed there holding Joe’s head to her breast, stroking his hair, and telling him it was ok. “Calm down,” she said. “You will hurt yourself. The nurse is coming. It will be alright.”
Margie rushed out of the room. Meanwhile, he was trying to pull the tube out of his throat, as Anna begged him to wait for the nurse. The nurses rushed in quickly and tried to work around Anna. Anna could tell she was in the way. “Look, I have to get off so they can take care of you. I will be right there at your feet. Okay?” Anna hoped he wouldn’t start being agitated again. She slowly and carefully climbed down and around the tubes.
The nurses started removing the ventilator. The second they got the tube out of his throat, Joe said in a very hoarse voice, “not your fault.” Anna was confused. He said again more like a hoarse whisper, “not your fault.” Anna climbed up onto his lap so she could hear him better. “It’s not your fault,” Joe said as he wrapped his arms around Anna. “It’s not your fault I did this.” He finally said in a hoarse whisper as he hugged her and held her tight.
Anna started to cry. She hugged him around his neck being careful not to disturb his tubes and wires or possibly hurt ribs. She didn’t bawl, but little tears came down and she sucked the snot into her nose. Joe held onto her tightly and also had tears come down his cheeks. She was relieved he could talk and that she was not the cause of him wanting to die. She cried in relief. She cried in joy he would be ok. She cried because finally she could hear his point of view instead of everyone else’s opinion.
“Awe bless,” she heard Ralphie say behind her. “That’s love.”
Someone sniffed behind her and she heard Edward get up and leave the room. Anna looked behind her and caught Ralphie on his way out to follow Edward. Then she saw Sue disgusted. “I’m leaving,” she whined and left following Edward and Ralphie. Joe’s parents followed behind Sue.
Anna looked at Joe and said, “I’ll be right back. I have to make sure my friend is ok.” Then she paused, “is that okay?” Joe nodded. Then Anna carefully scrambled down and ran after Edward.
In the hallway she called out to Edward, “Hey.” He turned his head slightly to the side and kept walking away from her. Ralphie grabbed his shoulder and pushed him forward gently as if Edward was hesitant to keep going. She could tell Ralphie was trying to comfort Edward. Why though? Edward had left her long ago. She just stood in the hallway bewildered, overwhelmed with joy that Joe was okay, but utter sadness that her friend for the past 4 years wouldn’t even wait for her. He didn’t even want to be her friend anymore it seemed.
Margie came up behind Anna, “Wow, that man really loves you.” She was smiling and excited.
Anna turned around in shock and confusion. “Why do you say that?” She was perplexed why everyone kept saying he loved her. What did they see in Joe that Anna could not?
“Did you not just see how he responded to you?” Margaret came up behind Margie. “He was unconscious with a ventilator tube down his throat and when you started crying because his sister was verbally attacking you, he smacked the daylights out of her and tried to rip the tube out of his throat to tell you it’s not your fault.” Margaret looked at Anna like she had three heads. “If that isn’t love,” she said, “I don’t know what is. He wouldn’t raise a finger to defend himself from that woman for decades, but the first time he sees you crying because of her, he backhanded her hard.”
Anna reflected on what she said. That was definitely not like Joe. She didn’t know if it was love, but it was not like the Joe she knew. She sighed. She honestly didn’t know what to think about it. She was happy he seemed to be doing better, but upset that Edward was not ok. “Edward’s upset,” she said to Margaret. “Why?”
“Ralphie’s with him. He will be fine.” Margaret seemed to shoo away any concern about her own son. “Aren’t you happy that man in there obviously loves you?”
Anna reflected on it but got a little irritated, “Does it matter at all how I feel?” She asked Margaret.
Margaret made a very shocked and concerned face and Margie did as well. It was almost as if they both seemed to say “uh oh, the jig is up” with their faces. “You said you always wanted someone that obviously loves you. You have that now. Don’t tell me that’s not good enough.” Margaret scolded after getting her bearings.
“It’s not obvious to me,” Anna said.
“What more would he need to do Anna?” Margie pushed her. “He essentially abandoned his family to be with you. You said that’s all he had to do when you were mad at him in your apartment.” Margie looked very upset. “Didn’t you mean what you said?”
“I did say that,” Anna admitted. She pursed her lips. She furrowed her brow and frowned. “He does need someone and so do I.” She sucked in her teeth. “It just doesn’t feel the same as Edward,” she sighed.
“May be that’s good thing,” Margaret said.
Anna looked up at Margaret horrified. “How can you say such a thing?”
“All I am saying is that there’s love that drives you mad and then there’s love that eventually is better for everyone involved. You and Joe bring out the best in each other. You and Edward, not so much.” Margaret tried to make it seem like it was a choice between pumpkin and sweet potato pie. It wasn’t.
Anna couldn’t deny that they did seem to work better together than her and Edward did. Edward and she argued almost constantly. Joe and she almost never did. She really thought about what Margie and Margaret were saying. “Well, at least I know he needs me. As long as I know I am needed, I can deal with a relationship like this.” Anna said more to herself than anyone else.
“Don’t you love him?” Margie asked Anna.
“Sure, as in I don’t want him to die.” She paused and reflected, “Yes, as a friend.” Then she surmised the situation, “But we never really had a chance to be boyfriend and girlfriend you know. His family always got in the way. I don’t know his favorite color, his favorite food, or even his favorite video game. I know he plays them though. We could never speak freely because of his family, so I honestly know almost nothing about him except what his friend has told me and his music tastes.”
Anna added, “I could tell you everything about Edward.”
“You know he loves you,” Margie said.
“I’m not too sure about that, but I’m willing to bet he cares about me judging by how he is acting now.” Anna responded. She thought it over, “but I guess it doesn’t matter how I feel. I insisted he be here on earth, so I have a responsibility to him now.” She sighed. Then she smiled, “I guess I am having a baby one way or another.”
Margie didn’t understand what Anna meant, but Margaret did. “In time you will get to know each other. Just don’t run off and get married immediately in case you discover that you absolutely despise something about him.” She advised.
Margie asked her mother what Anna meant about the baby, but Margaret only said she would explain later.
Anna turned around to go back into Joe’s room. Margaret and Margie didn’t follow Anna. Anna knew that was the end of her place in their family more or less over time. She had lost a mother like figure, a sister like figure and best friend, as well as the love of her life in one fell swoop in her mind. She went in to sit with Joe. He was trying so hard to talk to the nurse about getting some food.
“I can get you some jello or ice cream Mr. Murphy,” the nurse said.
Joe picked ice cream. That was a first in a long line of things Anna would learn about Joe. When the nurse brought all three flavors for Joe to pick, he wanted them all. He liked strawberry best, but vanilla and chocolate were good too. He sat in his hospital bed, with a dialysis tube still in him, happily munching on ice cream like a happy little boy. He seemed to delight in the ice cream. “I never thought I would taste ice cream again,” he said as he dug in for a big spoonful of vanilla after finishing the strawberry.
Anna just watched very unsure about the future. She was so very depressed that she seemed to had lost everyone, but also so very happy that Joe was alive and well.
unusuallyquiet 