Tags
cryptic, friendship, grief, life, love, messages, relationships, writing
I had this message for over 20 some odd years. It was delivered by someone I considered at that time a good friend and someone I could see myself with forever if things ever turned that way. We were not in that situation at that time though. He was someone I trusted probably with my life. There aren’t many people I can say that about.
He gave me a type of warning. I don’t know how to interpret it. It was one of the last times we spoke privately. “If he tries to come back into your life say no,” he told me. It was a stark warning and he was someone that rarely gave such stern advice. He was dead serious too.
I didn’t know how to answer so I asked, “Why? What will happen?” The look on his face was almost fearful and saddened. It was indescribable. It made me very concerned. Almost like his best friend died was the look he gave me. Now, I’m not certain we were best friends at that time, but it caught me off guard for sure. “Will I die? Will he kill me?”
“No,” he reassured me with some hesitation. “No,” he repeated looking out at our mutual friends with a cautious look, “but it’s bad and someone you love will lose someone they love.” He looked so sad when he said that like he personally would lose someone he loved. At that time, it seemed like such a bizzare message. I had to go, but the encounter stuck with me till now.
The circumstances surrounding the encounter were bizarre and a lot of things did not line up perfectly. I have other pieces of the puzzle which may or may not be true, but at the time, I wasn’t thinking I would be the one that was lost. I thought I would be well. Now, I remember his face when I was asking about would I die…it’s like no, but you will also be sad. He did also say that it was “not good,” if he came back, but never elaborated. It makes me wonder if it was not our mutual male friend, but someone close to that male friend that would try to kill me or even succeed at doing so…who knows.
I have been sitting here trying to understand this decades-old cryptic message. Either someone I love close to me will lose someone they love, or I am the one lost… Now when I was younger, I would never accept that I would be the one that was lost by someone I love. I didn’t think anyone really loved me back then. Now, I know better. So I am looking at all my connections and trying to figure out who would lose me. Why would they lose me? Was he the someone I loved that would lose me?
It makes me sad he didn’t feel comfortable enough to be more forthright. It makes me sad that he couldn’t be more open and honest. However, it does give me something to ponder as I percieve messages that are less than kind from third parties. Some might even say down right threatening. Messages that make my first few questions back then very relavent.
To be fair, no one has said they are coming back into my life directly to me. So I don’t understand why any third parties should be so concerned as to put out a general vibe of malice. Also, it just reminds me of that warning. I have a lot going on right now in my own personal life, so my attention was focused on that until this malicious veiled threat I received. I take such things pretty serious even if they are a bit esoteric in their delivery. I don’t like people that do such things to other people that were pretty much minding their own business and have no direct involvment in the business they did want to address with those close to them. This threatening theater only serves to place me on high alert when I am already a hyper vigalent person.
May be the person sending such dark vibes thinks this is a good thing. It is not. That this vibe some how tortures me. It does not torture me. Such things are very familiar to me. It’s the warm embrace of my childhood. If you have read my blog, you know what that means to a small degree…if you know me that should teriffy you. That said, I still seek peace. Simply because I have no quarrel with this person, I wish peace. Perhaps they believe something that is untrue. No one has contacted me directly, so really this is all non-sense and can be dropped.
I am still thinking of the one that gave me the warning and wishing he elaborated…it would have made this moment so much easier to navigate.