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A lot of family divisions occur when the death of a loved one occurs or when some tragedy strikes a family. Recently our daughter Lucy was taken by an unknown person to another state and declared insane by that state, for the benefit of that person. This caused a lot of strife for my family. It also caused a division, but only from one family member. Suffice it to say, I felt this family member either didn’t understand the situation clearly or was having so much difficulty in their own life that they were lashing out. Alternatively, they could be jealous that Aluciana was getting so much attention from my husband and me and acted out of that.

No matter the reason for the divisive behavior, at a time of grieving, such as a death in the family, it is customary for adults to put all grievances aside temporarily for the sake of peace and the rest of the family’s need to grieve in peace. Unfortunately, this realization has been lost upon my daughter Danilla. We had a falling out a couple of days before the passing of my grandmother-in-law. Danilla said some nasty things and so did I. I tried to back track to end the argument and she essentially followed me around my social media to keep arguing until I ended up blocking her. After what she said, I do not want to make up with her at this time. I would rather her keep her distance and sort through whatever she is going through emotionally on her own. A lot of uncalled for words were exchanged and I don’t feel continuing to exchange words would do anything productive at this time.

As soon as she found out that Granny died, she called my phone. When I answered, she informed me she wanted to speak to my husband. This irked me because he has his own phone. Then she invited him alone to share a ride to the funeral when it occurs. Then she hung up. She made sure to disinclude me in the conversation. My husband having been woken up by this call wanted to end it as quickly as possible, thanked her and informed her we didn’t even know when the funeral was to begin with and or where it would be held.

Later, I texted her my husband’s phone number thinking maybe she didn’t have it and informed her we will be going to the funeral together. Paul already said that he would go with me or not at all to me after the phone call. I also asked her to contact her dad directly instead of calling my phone for him in the future. This is common sense or manners I thought.

Instead of texting me back directly or talking to me, she went onto the family discord to verbally shit on me in front of all her brothers and sisters that have no clue what the hell is going on. Telling me and them that she was offering Dad a ride and not me and that “Granny meant nothing to you.” She went on to rant about how I have to insert myself into everything in my family. Hello, it’s my family dumbass. Just being a general ass and really upsetting my husband with her behavior.

I had no idea any of this was going on. I was too busy going about my day and thinking I had cleared up any misunderstanding that our daughter had. Silly me, I should know better. My husband saw it though and directly confronted her about it and told her she was being childish, this is not the time for this bullshit, and that he wanted no part of our argument or her petty behavior. He rarely speaks so harshly to the children especially now that they are adults. He also refused to be a pawn in her argument. Then he left the chat.

I heard the bing that was her response. I had finally sat down with a nice cup of tea and was going to set about going to work. Imagine my surprise to see her arguments about how horrible I am and how she is not childish and etc… You get the point. I did engage, mostly to refute some of the crap she said and to remind her to use the phone number I gave her.

My husband did see these chats even though he left the chat because he was over my shoulder. He informed me that Danilla already had his phone number and contacted him on 2/23 last. So she was lying about “just getting his phone number” in the chats. He showed me the chats and said, “She’s only doing this to get to you or get your attention.” Why though? I called her out on it and she made some lame excuse about not wanting to bother him. Really? Really? But you want to bother me the person you said you were cutting ties with and called a dumb bitch? We both don’t understand her behaior, but it seems a death in the family always brings out the ugly.

Since she has nothing but cruel things to say at this time, we are not associating with her. We don’t understand Danilla’s coldness towards us, but it is clearly not limited to me. She went so far as to try and take a man that is grieving and try to split him from the comfort of his partner’s arms during a funeral. This suggests she either needs to grow up or really just wanted to hurt us both. Either way, neither of us need this sort of negativity in our life at this time. For our own mental health during this difficult time we are distancing ourselves from Danilla and her family. She has a lot going on in her house that she may be acting out about and we do not feel it serves us or her to continue discourse if this is how the conversation is going to go. We pray that whatever struggles she is facing are handled in a positive manner quickly so that we can continue our relationship at that time.